Tuesday, February 11, 2014

oh CRAP...medical advice needed...

So let me first warn you...this is going to be a post about poop. So...if you don't like talking about poop or listening to someone else talk about poop, you might want to just that little button that exits you out of this page. K?? k.

I have a poop problem. And a horrible doctor who thinks it's all in my head. Butttttttt...no pun intended...I think it's really hindering my progress with losing those inches. And therefore, I'm making my poop problem your business. Oh Shiiiiit...literally

I don't poop. I mean, of course I poop, but it literally only happens about 3 times a week if that. Whenever I tell people that they say, "Oh that would suck to feel constipated that often." Nope. Doesn't suck, because I almost never feel constipated!! I just don't have the urge to poop.

So where the hell does it all go? It has to be stuck in there somewhere. And therefore, I have come to the conclusion that my poop issue is why I can't loose that pudge in my belly! It's a pudge of poop!!

It all started in college. First off, I know it's weird, but I DO NOT poop in public. I don't care how much pain I'm in, I'm not going into that public restroom where someone could totally sit beside me while I'm pooping. So, the community bathrooms in college totally effed me. I would hold that shit for a month at a time waiting until it was a holiday break, or my parents came to visit, or we went to someone's house for a weekend, but I wasn't doing it in the dorm. It literally caused me to have panic attacks in the middle of the night. I had to go so bad but just held it. Until the moment came where I was sitting on a toilet at 3am sweating with blurred vision and having convulsions because the panic attack was setting in.

Luckily my junior and senior year I had an apartment so I had my own bathroom. I became a little more regular but definitely nothing like I should be. And it's stuck until now.

And believe me, I'm sooo not one of those wives that doesn't fart or poop in front of Mike. I wouldn't be surprised if one day he came in and sat on the shower ledge just to talk to me while I was pooping. And he's totally the guy that's like, "Whoa!! Come check this out!!". lol. And it never fails. Although we have 3 bathrooms in the house he always wants to poop in the one I'm showering in so he can "keep my company". So, it's not like I'm trying to hide it from him now. I just think it's what my body got used to and it never changed.

So I need help! Could that be a reason I'm not losing inches like I want to? Or am I just lazy and coming up with excuses?

Do you have any suggestions?!?! I'm still not going to poop in public even if I do get the urge, so that's out of the question, but maybe there is something that you take that makes you more regular?


And don't forget about the giveaway going on!!


  1. Hmm I'm not sure what the problem could be. Do you get enough fiber in your diet? I'm sure you've already been asked that, but that's all I've got to offer. Sorry! I hope that you get this figured out soon!

    Ashley, Married to the Game

  2. I have like the complete opposite problem as you. HAHAHA.
    As awkward as this conversation might be....
    I'm pretty sure i'm allergic to dairy and im a dumbhead and cant cut it out of my diet, so needless to say, i have the runs like every single day of my life. HAHAHAHA.

    I'm so happy someone else is "open" enough to talk about poop. LOL.
    But sadly, i can't give you any good advice on your situation. Maybe see another doctor? I would say Google it and make sure its nothing you shouldn't see a specialist about. Best of luck!!

  3. Do you drink coffee? It always helps me in the mornings. What helps even more with me lately is I have added a hot glass of lemon water after I get out of the shower. It perks me up and I think it also detoxes/flushes my system a little. So does green tea.

  4. sooo... This is a convo we have in my house a lot! I also am a twice a week pooer and my body doesn't feel weird or awkward at all, except for my pooch area. I think it is a poo pouch, because it does deflate after a good deux. I do notice that it helps me to drink shakes (like spinach and protein) in the morning. Hope this helps!

  5. I'm also in your poo boat..for lack of better word! haha My husband thought I was a freak when he found out I didn't poo at least once a day. And while I don't feel the urge, I"m like Tracy above and feel "deflated" after I have a good one.

  6. Omg, this is awesome & you are hilarious! I worked in the medical field for a long time so nothing & I mean nothing grosses me out. Do you drink coffee? I drink Starbucks coffee every morning at home & within minutes I usually have to go to the bathroom, I know you're a teacher and it might send you into a full blown panic attack to think about going poo (lol) at your school but if you wake up early enough you could nip this in bud early, literally! I crack myself up :-D

  7. In the bud* Sorry that probably didn't make too much sense! :-)

  8. 1. Well I'm not gonna lie I didn't read the entire post because I can only take so much poop talk.
    2. But I thoroughly enjoyed the ecards that you put in the post. I hope you figure out your situation!

  9. GIRL!
    i have the same problem. I bought this extra strength probiotic that i take twice a day. I would look up foods that make you go and see they work also! I dont see a big change yet but i am hoping it gets better.

  10. I am that way too if I don't have my coffee. Coffee is what has made me go most of the time at least once a day. Sometimes I need to stop the coffee though if I am stuck for a couple days and then restart to get it going again.

  11. Well my comment just disappeared on me so if this posts twice I am sorry.
    Are you eating enough fiber? Are you drinking enough water? You should be drinking half your body weight in ounces of water. Examle: If you weight 150 you should be drinking 75 ounces of water every day.
    Have you thought about doing the Advocare Challenge? My husband is doing it now. The first 10 days are a cleanse. Maybe that would help.
    Good luck!! I hope your issue clears up soon!